ADDICTION
Yep, that's an accurate depiction of me right there ... gulping one down and two at the ready! How do I begin to even describe addiction? In simple terms, addiction is a strong, uncontrollable urge to use a substance or do an activity, even when it causes harm to your life and well-being. It involves a compulsive need that can be hard to stop, leading to negative consequences for your health, relationships, and responsibilities.
There are many types of addiction - drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, co-dependency, over-exercise, etc. And I can't, with any experience, speak about having the other addicitions ... but addiction is addiction. Mine was alcohol. It wasn't that I had to drink everyday ... sometimes I'd go weeks, months, or even years without drinking ... it was HOW I drank. One was never enough. As long as I was still standing, there was always time for another drink. I could go on and on with stories about how my relationship with alcohol runined my life over the years (there's a good one on the Cold Coffee page), but we'll save those for the youtube videos. The question is, "Why did I keep on drinking?" Why did it take me so long to surrender? GOD ONLY KNOWS. And that's it in a nutshell ... EVERYTHING IN GOD'S TIME.
When I began to realize that I had a "problem," I still tried to "manage" my drinking by stopping for periods of time just to make sure I could. I'd save it for the weekends or give it up for the New Year. When I was a Stephen Minister, I actually stopped for 8 years. And before and after that, I continued to pray that God would simply " take away" my desire for alcohol. When that didn't happen, I guess you could say that I pretty much "gave in" to my addicition ... and my drinking escalated. I made poor choices, racked up a couple more DUIs, and ended up in Rehab. At this point, when I drank, I was operating in "blackouts." I mean I was highly functioning. I could move mountains in these blackouts ... I just couldn't remember moving them!
Years went by ... drinking, then stopping, then drinking, then stopping again ... and praying to God for relief from the addiction. To this day I can't say why the "shift" occurred ... it just did ... in June of 2020 when I humbled myself once again and asked for help. But what was different this time was that I KNEW, I JUST KNEW that this was it. The main reason was that I asked one person for help, and she stuck with me for six months. That was enough reason to succeed. I would not disappoint her or disrespect the time she devoted to helping me. And this time it was not hard for me like all the other times. I was of one mind and that was to stop the one thing that was a huge detriment to my spiritual journey. Oh sure, there have been a handful of moments when I missed that warm, heady feeling ... but those moments pass quickly ... and at this point, because my life has gotten so much better, I would not disrespect GOD for answering my prayer.
If you're serious about "kicking" that addiction, this is the way! The twelve steps of recovery are a natural process that occurs when you become sincere about making the effort. These steps are not new, but they are "tried and true." Ask anyone who has gone through them. I've been at different stages throughout my life ... but it wasn't until I completed all twelve steps that my life truly changed. It is strongly recommended that you find that one person who you can be accountable to each and every day, someone who is not involved in their own addiction and someone who truly cares about you. If there is no one, then get to an AA or NA meeting and find a sponsor. That's what they're there for. If you can't do that, chat with me!
Twelve Steps of Recovery
1. Admit and Acknowledge ... that your addiction has become unmanageable and that you need help.
2. Belief in a Higher Power ... that you need spiritual connection to provide strength and guidance.
3. Turn over Control ... to your Higher Power. In other words, "Give it to God." Simply say, "I have this problem, God, and I cannot control it myself. I need Your help!"
4. Take a Moral Inventory ... of your weaknesses, resentments, and past wrongdoings.
5. Admit Wrongs ... Share your moral inventory with yourself, your higher power, your trusted person.
6. Willingness to Change ... by letting go of negative behaviors and being open to personal growth.
7. Ask for Help ... again, by turning over control and asking your Higher Power for specific help with shortcomings.
8. Make Amends ... by making a list of anyone you have harmed.
9. Make Direct Amends ... by contacting, acknowledging, apologizing, or correcting ... when possible.
10. Continuing Inventory ... with daily self reflection and admitting shortcomings.
11. Seeking Spiritual Awareness ... through meditation, prayer, and other spiritual practices.
12. Helping Others ... sharing your experience, strength, and hope with others in need.
All I can say to anyone who has an addiction is KEEP ON PRAYING. It may take a while, maybe years, but that's because God has a plan for you. Sometimes you have to live through certain experiences (usually pretty painful) to get to a point where you can kick that addiction. The path is different for each of us ... but like I said, "IT'S ALL IN GOD'S TIME. Just be ready.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please feel free to reach out by chat or email. I may not have all the answers, but any thoughts I can give would come from God and God alone. It's a difficult time, this state of addiction, but it's not the end. The first step is admission ... the second step is reaching out. Addiction CAN BE OVERCOME ... and your life will only get better!
Please send all thoughts or personal stories to sandra@soul-in-control.net.
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